Smiling through tears – laughing at memories.

This weekend marks 2 months since Emily’s funeral.  3 months since she passed away and 19 years since my waters broke to have her. 13 weeks early. I went into hospital on Friday 13th June 1997 and I was told she would arrive in a few hours.  On 22nd August she finally arrived. Yes I stayed in hospital all that time. She was trouble from the very beginning.

There has been tears everyday since we lost her. I have tried to stay focused on legacy building. We have sold 189 Ball Tickets.  This week Sir Terry Matthews rang me at the same time he was trending on Twitter to discuss the support Celtic Manor have given us & continue to offer.

I visited BelleVue Nursery to look at the amazing activities they did to raise nearly £500. I started one to one counselling with Tenovus. She described us as a resilient family.

resilient (of a person or animal) able to withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions.

synonyms:strong, tough, hardy; More

quick to recover, quick to bounce back, buoyant,difficult to keep down,irrepressible; adaptable, flexible

So keeping busy. Trying to move forward. But it isnt always easy.

The sympathy flowers have died. Cards stopped arriving, phone stopped ringing.  The general senses is life has returned to some sort of normal.

School run, food shopping, ferrying kids to and from activities.  But in reality life is far from normal. The youngest cant remember Emily with hair, she doesn’t recognise photos of her.  There is an empty seat at the dinner table. My life pre-diagnosis doesn’t exist.

People cross the road to avoid me or point and whisper.  I don’t want to be referred to as “the one who’s daughter died”  I am still the same person just a bit sadder. We are still a family of six. I will always be a mum of four.

The children have asked questions like “What do I say if anyone asks how many siblings I have”.

Its difficult.

Nobody wants to forget Emily. But sometimes it is too difficult to explain.  We talk about her at home everyday.  Things still belong to her. Its her bedroom. Her books. She is still here, alive and kicking in our hearts and memories.

Smiling through tears.
Laughing at memories.

About Donna

Inspired by my childrens courage. In last 6 years, asthma, type 1 diabetes, epilepse, cancer (burkitts lymphoma) dyspraxia and dyslexia joined our family. Twitter - @welshmumfour Web -

Posted on June 12, 2016, in Em's Blogging.. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. That’s so sad that your youngest doesn’t remember Emily with hair. One of my online user names is ‘mum of four’, chosen long before my beloved teenager became ill, had a bone marrow transplant and died, I continue to use it unashamedly.
    Our beloved Leah is now dead 2.5yrs and last weekend her 12yr old sister was asked by someone we’d just met how many brothers and sisters she has. I was so proud when I heard her reply ‘two sisters, one brother’, however I steered the conversation in another direction before any more questions were asked, to save awkwardness on anyone’s part!
    Sending you love and hugs ❤️


  2. A coffee is always waiting for you here at llantarnam grange art centre .for those days you may need a friend to listen or talk or just sit quiet Jacqueline xx


  3. Great post as always Donna, I knew you could blog. I don’t always know what to say or do but will always only be a phone call away. xx


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