Smiling through tears – laughing at memories.
This weekend marks 2 months since Emily’s funeral. 3 months since she passed away and 19 years since my waters broke to have her. 13 weeks early. I went into hospital on Friday 13th June 1997 and I was told she would arrive in a few hours. On 22nd August she finally arrived. Yes I stayed in hospital all that time. She was trouble from the very beginning.
There has been tears everyday since we lost her. I have tried to stay focused on legacy building. We have sold 189 Ball Tickets. This week Sir Terry Matthews rang me at the same time he was trending on Twitter to discuss the support Celtic Manor have given us & continue to offer.
I visited BelleVue Nursery to look at the amazing activities they did to raise nearly £500. I started one to one counselling with Tenovus. She described us as a resilient family.
resilient (of a person or animal) able to withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions.
synonyms:strong, tough, hardy; More
quick to recover, quick to bounce back, buoyant,difficult to keep down,irrepressible; adaptable, flexible
So keeping busy. Trying to move forward. But it isnt always easy.
The sympathy flowers have died. Cards stopped arriving, phone stopped ringing. The general senses is life has returned to some sort of normal.
School run, food shopping, ferrying kids to and from activities. But in reality life is far from normal. The youngest cant remember Emily with hair, she doesn’t recognise photos of her. There is an empty seat at the dinner table. My life pre-diagnosis doesn’t exist.
People cross the road to avoid me or point and whisper. I don’t want to be referred to as “the one who’s daughter died” I am still the same person just a bit sadder. We are still a family of six. I will always be a mum of four.
The children have asked questions like “What do I say if anyone asks how many siblings I have”.
Nobody wants to forget Emily. But sometimes it is too difficult to explain. We talk about her at home everyday. Things still belong to her. Its her bedroom. Her books. She is still here, alive and kicking in our hearts and memories.
Smiling through tears.
Laughing at memories.